What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
