you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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