dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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