you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize