I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
