What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
