i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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