highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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