Please, let me fuck your mom
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
