you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
