I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
