I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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