i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
