I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
