apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
