I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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