I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
