I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
there is glitter all over my balls
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
