i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
