doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
3 2 1 whiskey
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
