I'm jealous of your bromance
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
