I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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