You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
