happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
