Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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