make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
