I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
