Whod you bang
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
