Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
