Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
