I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
