if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
