Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
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It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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