I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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