jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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