At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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