so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
