worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
