If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
