We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
