I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We left the knife in your bed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
