you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
