The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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