He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
