Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
