For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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