Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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