Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
