my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
