You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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