spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
