Don't make out with my wife yet
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
