he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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