It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
