Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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