My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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