I am in a vortex of obligation.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
