It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
