sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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