I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
