dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
