Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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